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Monday 12 February 2018

The Fear of Returning to Work | End of Maternity Leave


Hey hey!

A slightly random, and no doubt irrelevant post for the majority of you reading this (if you don't have children that is). Tomorrow marks the end of my maternity leave which I honestly cannot believe, admittedly I am going back slightly earlier than the 9 months I'd planned to have off, however it's still gone stupidly quick. 

I'd been toying between so many different scenarios recently, do I go back to my old place which pays less but I'm in a routine there, I know what I'm doing, I feel comfortable, or do I try something completely new which pays better, but I will feel a lot less comfortable. If it wasn't for Alfie I would have 100% opted for the first scenario, but now I've got him I have to put his needs at the forefront of my mind, so I decided to go for a brand new job, which I briefly spoke about in my last post. It's still within education, but I will be in a new setting, and the age is quite new to me (it's been a while since I looked after multiple babies!)

Id been getting myself in such a state, with the heightened hormones (still!) and fear of the unknown. I remember on a few occasions id be home alone with Alf trying to figure out what I wanted to do and not having a clue. Getting upset because I knew I had to put Alfie first, and doing so meaning things had to change. Don't get me wrong, this isn't necessarily a bad thing and I will always put Alfie first regardless, but for someone who is so anxious about change, the fear of the unknown terrified me. 

That and the mum guilt. Id like to think I'm quite a tough cookie, I'm not attached to Alf (not overly, anyway) and I think working in a nursery and helping to settle children into a new setting has kinda helped me with the mum guilt, I didn't mind leaving him at nursery for his settling in, he cried a little when I handed him over, but it didn't phase me one little bit. I guess I'm used to seeing it and dealing with it - and knew he would be fine in a matter of minutes, which he was. But good lord nothing prepares you for the mum guilt when you go back to work right?

You instantly feel like you're sacrificing valuable 'growing up' time. Time that you feel you should be spending with them, it's so hard to explain if you don't have children yourself. I sat down today and got his bag ready for his afternoons with his nan whilst I would be at work, and I actually wanted to cry a little. I suppose it's a fear of missing out, feeling sad that I have to go back to work to be able to provide for him, sad that as mothers you're only given a maximum of a year off of work to spend with them, for their ENTIRE lives, one fucking year, and 2 bloody weeks for dads!. That I have to be away from my child to be able to afford nappies and milk. For so long I was so excited about going back to work because of the routine, the social aspects of work, and suddenly I felt this huge fear just wash over me when I realised how much our current routine, and a comfortable one at that, is going to change.

How am I going to get myself ready in such a short space of time in the mornings? How am I going to get Alfie ready too? How am I even going to function so early in the morning on such little sleep? Or more importantly - how am I going to get to work on time? - Who bloody knows is the answer to that. It's that word isn't it, fear. Having a baby is challenging at the best of times, let alone juggling work on top of that. I hope once I'm in the swing of things I'll get us both into some sort of routine, I'm sure I will, but the fear is still there I suppose, the major mum guilt, and no doubt utter exhaustion. 

If you've had a baby and returned to work, or are planning too, I would fully appreciate a nod of agreement to know I'm not alone in feeling majorly guilty and anxious at the thought of this new stage of our lives. 

Soph, x




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Tuesday 23 January 2018

Life Update & Changes For 2018.


iya!
Its been far too long since I've sat down and put together a blog post that doesn't involve Instagram or products in any way, so here we are, a little life update for you.


ALFIE. 
All is well with Alf at the moment, he's 6 months old tomorrow which is crazy?! Half a year already which has gone by so quickly. He's cut his first two teeth already and is trying to crawl but isn't quite strong enough just yet.. We're having a few late nights and early mornings because of the old teeth situ, which I'm not enjoying, but hes fab besides that. He starts nursery on the 14th of Feb, hes doing 2 mornings a week to get him started, I wanted him to have that kind of interaction early on so joining nursery when hes say, 3 years old, wouldn't be so daunting. Life as a mum in general is going pretty well too, although it really is hard work. I had a moment this morning where I was so stressed that I just cried, there's nothing worse than feeling shite yourself with a crying child on your hip, & I won't sugar coat how lovely parenting is because I see that SO much, it just gives incorrect expectations. Don't get me wrong Alf is brilliant and I wouldn't change him for the world, and parenting can be lovely, but believe it or not everyone else is experiencing the sleepless nights too (at some point!), the stress, and the same old shitty nappies, even if they don't post about it on social media, I however, am trying to not just post the 'omg Alf was SO good today' posts, because I know if I saw that I'd be cussing the mum who has such a perfect life, when it's not perfect at all.


CHANGES.
A fair few things will be changing for me this year and I won't lie, I'm absolutely terrified. I hate change, I like having a routine and when that changes it fills me with so much anxiety. I've had the same job for coming up 6 years now, I've worked in childcare since I left college in early 2013, I'm used to looking after 47 (at max) children at a time, some days I'd be a 1:1 for a child that was deaf, but the majority of the time I'd be with the other 47. It was my entire life for such a long time, I loved the job and people I worked with, but I've recently had an update meeting and decided that it's my time to move on. I'm so sad about it but I'm trying to look at the positives, I'll be joining Alfie's nursery, so I'll still get to see him when I'm at work, & I do get a discount too so that's handy haha! Ill be working 3 full days a week 8-6.30, lord knows how I'm going to do that. 


GOALS.
I've never been one to make resolutions because I'm just shite at keeping them, I think if you're going to change an aspect of your life do it whenever? If you need to wait until New Year to do it it's obviously something you don't really have the motivation for. Anyway, I've set a few goals I'm aiming for this year;

- To progress in my job, not just settle because it's the easy option, to push myself a little more. 

- Step out of my comfort zone, do things I wouldn't normally. Things that frighten me, make me feel anxious. 

- Raise Alf to be a polite, well mannered little chap.

- Be myself a little more in blog posts, which I've done in this one, I'm such a sarcastic sweary person (in the best way if there is a best way) and I want to bring that out a bit more, yknow, make my posts more personal.

- Stick to weekly Youtube uploads, I'm doing pretty well so far!

- Stop using my phone as much and live in the moment. I turned my phone off recently whilst I was at home just chilling, and it made me realise how often I reach for it without even noticing I'mm doing it. Id forget that i'd turned it off and I was like "oh yeah..."

- Put myself first and be more honest. I'm the worst for not saying how I feel, or if someone is getting on my tits I just go along with it and let them do it. Ive already cracked this one, if I see something I don't like I'm actually brave enough to come out and say it. & I feel SO much better for it.



I hope you've all had a lovely start to 2018, fear not pay day isn't too far away now, I'm honestly holding on for dear life haha!

Soph xo   

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Wednesday 10 January 2018

3 Insta Faves | JAN 18



Ive said this so many times but Instagram always has been (and still is when I actually see posts from people I follow) my absolute favourite app on my phone. I use it pretty much every single day, I love seeing peoples creations, my friend laughs at me for calling photos creations but thats because he doesn't appreciate the effort it takes for some of us to take a good one, hopefully I'm not alone here haha! I thought for 2018 id make more of an effort to essentially shout out other peoples accounts that Ive followed for a good while now. I feel 2017 was lacking a lot of support for one another so that's my aim for this year. For this post I've included 3 girls IG accounts that I've followed for the longest time that deserve the upmost recognition because their photos are fab and just, well, why the hell not ay! 




First up is Gem, I've followed her for a good while now, she has the most gorgeous little boy and I've been following her for so long that I'm essentially watching him growing up which is lovely haha. Her photos honestly look as if they belong in a magazine because you can tell she puts so much effort into them. She knows exactly how to make a photo 'pop' with the correct props in the right places (if you're a blogger you'll understand the struggles of this!) and her photos of Ru (Gems little boy) are of such a high quality, Gems account is 100% one to follow, and she's a lovely girl too. She also has a blog which you can find HERE.




Another account I've been following for the longest time, Victoria takes the P.R.E.T.T.I.E.S.T photos, every time I see a photos of hers on my timeline I immediately recognise them as being hers. I don't know how she manages to make her legs look so fab in her photos but I think thats a skill we'd all appreciate haha. She's a fellow LUSH and makeup lover like myself, in fact her 'product' photos have to be my fave (exactly like the ones above!) they're just so simplistic which are my favourite kind, & she's an absolute beaut too. Like Gem, Victoria has a brilliant blog too which you can find HERE. Which by the way, deserves MUCH more recognition!




& finally, Leighanne. Like Gem & Victoria I've been following Leighanne for what feels like the longest time too, her photos are up there with my top faves because she's just so good at taking product photos. She knows exactly how to use props which makes her photos look so professional, like Victoria Leighanne's also a LUSH lover (if I'm honest who isn't now a days?! LUSH are brill) and her LUSH photos over Christmas were gorgeous. She also writes really good descriptions on her posts which I definitely haven't mastered because I'm just rubbish and run out of things to say haha, so make sure you have a good read of those & don't just scroll past. She's a lovely lovely girl too, & I want to be her real life pal so we can share the love of LUSH and makeup because lets be honest, theres only so much chat you can have with the man you live with haha! You can also find her blog HERE. She's recently switched up the layout and it looks beaut.


I really love these kind of posts so I'm definitely going to try my hardest to keep it up for the entire year, leave your IG @'s below if I don't already follow you and ill be sure to head on over.

Lotsa Love,
Soph x

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Friday 5 January 2018

My 4 New MAC Cosmetics Lipsticks | do I really NEED any more?!



If you know me well, you'll know lipsticks are 100% my 'thing'. Ask me how many I have now and I honestly couldn't tell you, anywhere between 50-60 at least. I know thats pretty extreme and no one needs that many bloody lipsticks, but I like to have options y'know.. lots, and lots of options.. haha!

I was adamant before Christmas, that I would get through all the lipsticks I own, I managed to wear a different shade every single day throughout December but obviously, that didn't really make much of a difference to the old collection. Although, what it did do was ensure I used near enough every single one, because I'm the worst for buying a lipstick and not wanting to ruin it because a brand new one is just so pretty. Anyone else?

Anyway, for Christmas my ever so lovely other half, or should I say my son Alfie (obvs Matt though) had a little look on the MAC website and chose these 4 lipsticks for me, and I bloody love um. Matt knows I'm a big fan of reds, dark purples, burgundies, and more recently nudes like mehr, so he was pretty sure I was going to like the ones he chose. Anyway, these are the beauties Matt picked out for me;








First up is probably my favourite out the lot, this one is Russian Red, I've had lot of orange toned reds before but nothing quite like this one, (spoken like a true lipstick hoarder who INSISTS every shade is different) & its a matte, which is my favourite finish as I'm just not a fan of a shiny lipstick on me. 



This one is Antique Velvet, and is actually the darkest lipstick I own now, it kind of reminds me another MAC shade I have which is slightly more purple toned, Antique Velvet is definitely more brown which I surprisingly really like the look off, this one is also a matte.




This one looks almost identical to Pink Plaid (another one I already have surprise surprise) but this is slightly more pinky id say. It's called Nouvelle Vogue & is also a matte. I think this will look fab in spring so I'm going to try my best to save it until then, I used to wear pinks all the time so I really need to get back into that, they used to be my go to's for every day wear!




Finally we have Nude Du Jour, the perfect nude shade for my skin tone. Im natural quite tanned so I find it quite tricky to find darker nudes that don't look like I've just covered my lips in foundation, I'm not too keen on lighter nudes because I don't think they really suit me, so Nude Du Jour is perfect for me. I think this will soon become my every day shade, it reminds me of Mehr to look at, but is much less pink. Infant I don't think I've actually owned a nude which isn't completely overruled by pink, so I'm looking forward to trying this one!


How pretty are they?! I am obsessed with MAC lipsticks, well lipsticks in general actually! Have you picked up any new ones recently!? Being from MAC or any other brand in general? Im always on the look out for new ones when I probably really shouldn't be haha..


Soph xo

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